I miss dancing

There was a Black Widows night on the 31st, but I didn't feel up to it for a variety of reasons. I'm kind of regretting it now, though. I've been reading blogs by other strippers lately and for better or for worse, it's gotten me feeling nostalgic for my old glory days.

I've just been working for minimum wage for way too long. It's really really getting to me. I've been an assistant hairstylist for two years and have not yet finished either a cut or color program. I most likely have at least another year to go before I can become a commissioned stylist and stop having to clean up after other people and being subservient to them. And that's if I don't get fired first for hating it.

I guess if I was eighteen it wouldn't be so bad. I would have my whole adult life to learn my trade and build up my clientele and be making six figures by age thirty. But instead I spent my twenties in the strip club, making tons of cash every night and investing none of it save what I invested in my two deadbeat exes. I really thought I got out in time, too: I started beauty school at age 28, and got my cosmetology license right after I turned thirty. Now I'm close to thirty-three and I spend most of my time doing janitorial work. I worry about my future, and the present is getting a bit unbearable after the life I've experienced.

I miss my old life sometimes. I miss all the cash. I miss knowing that even if I only made a hundred dollars, I could always go back in the next night and maybe make three hundred more. I loved sleeping in every day, and getting pedicures and shopping for clothes. I miss being able to take a vacation whenever I wanted, for as long as I wanted, as long as I had money for. I miss dancing on stage every night to any music I chose. I miss the performance. I miss making people fall in love with me just by staring into their eyes. I miss getting exercise every night while getting paid for it. I miss having tons of hot friends to go out with and do double dances with and hustle men with and make each other money. Sometimes I miss the nights of getting drunk and going out and having crazy adventures into the wee morning hours, staying out as long as we wanted, with the cash to finance all of it. With enough money, anything is possible.

I get some of this at the Lusty Lady, but it's not the same. I think I'm just missing my twice-monthly fix I always get from Black Widows and Chez Badunkadunk. It's been a couple of months since they lost the Cat Club space, which was as close to perfect as I've seen so far. Chez B has a new venue they will use on the 26th for a special pride weekend show, Julie's Supper Club. I won't be able to go, though because I'm out of town that weekend.

I didn't do Black Widows because I was up early that day and was tired from my salon job, as I always am on Saturdays. Also I'm not so sure about the new venue for BW. It's at Fat City, which I remember to be a rather drafty and rickity club more suited to shows than clubs, especially strip clubs. In other words not necessarily where I want to be wobbling around drunk in six inch stilettos, trying to fend off gropes in a lap dance. Also there wasn't supposed to bemuch of a dressing room, more of a manager's office. This was the first night they used the place, so there were probably some kinks that still need smoothing. I'm going to see what the girls who went have to say about it and maybe if it wasn't too bad I'll go next time. If my friend Natalie (who runs it) isn't mad at me for not showing up, that is.

So I probably won't be doing anything extracurricular until July now. But you will still be able to watch me dance at the Lusty Lady on Mondays and Fridays. I usually do doubles on Fridays, either from 11-7 or 3-11. I'll let everyone know next time I do an outside performance.